Nothing

hey, i'm really enjoying this. i re-read the previous articles i wrote here. i don't even remember the details! now i know what a blog is. it's to remind you what happened to you. oh, so what did happen to me today? i don't want to discuss it! okay, okay. i think, in the most secret part of me, i really want to write it here so i can vent myself or at least think about it, but i don't want to write it down anyway. not now. suffice it to say that, my breath catches with a small hiccup...sort of from crying, if you know what i mean?...and i think and now i'm really wondering why i should title my works here Joyful Meandering when all i write about are my woes. why not my woes?! if i can't write my woes, i can always write about my joys. it's just that, i don't know, it has to be the really ups and the really downs, so i can write. the peaks and the valleys, so to speak. drama! and i thought i'm the one who has everything under control. what control? if not for the Lord, i'll be a psychiatric case. hahaha. yeah, like what? i don't know. i could be any number of thing. but for grace, there goes i. indeed.

this is really funny. for so long and for so many people, i'm as dependable as ham and cheese. well, that's what i think. which doesn't mean it's really true either. but well, there might be some truth to that because i remember ate au, one of the household sisters (the that's what we're called), said one day, you know, i've only ever seen you lose your cool when you see a rat. roll eyes please. see, i'm successful. i successfully pretend i'm such a little sweet girl. hahaha. i am. really! now, just don't let me write. when i write like in my mood now, then i am anything that i want to be in my mind. because when i get back to my world, then i become the responsible, loyal, dependable everyday person everyone thinks --- well, let me qualify that --- quite a number think, is a saint. hahaha. now, if only they were Jesus. of course, if they were Jesus, then in His goodness, may He have mercy on me. but bec some are really kind, they think i'm a saint. now, for those who are more realistic, they know that i'm not. oh cool. now, i have to convince them. ah well, isn't this great. just writing about nothing and everything and no details. reminds me of You've Got Mail. i really like that movie. the lines are fantastic! well, i remember that part where the girl, i forgot her name, said that you write about nothing but you actually reveal yourself. yeah, well, i reveal myself to myself. Jesus knows me anyway. what a relief. that's why I love Jesus. i really do. He's the only One who loves me completely anyway. this is really cool, Jesus, don't You think? i get to write about nothing and You get to see what's in my heart anyway. and well, i get to express something that i can't totally say. that's why i love poetry...but that's another story...at the moment, i should be wrapping up because the IBC intercessors will be praying over the chairs for tomorrow's conference. yeah, i really should go. hey, i really should! yeah. well.

it would be cool, Jesus, if i could have someone write me back who's as witty and intelligent as that guy in You've Got Mail. ewwww. fantasizing girl. okay, okay :D, why not! just wishing anyway. i love You, Jesus. i know. You love me more. oh yeah! thank You! You are kind, indeed, loving someone like me. but thank You, anyway. i wouldn't want it any other way. i really have to go. hope to come here again soon. thanks for me, hahaha, this is way cool. i'm publishing to the whole nothingness about myself. and i'm the only one who gets to read it. hehehe. okay, okay. convince yourself. bye now! i love You, Jesus!