My greatest pain at the moment is that Papa and Mama find it difficult to accept that I cannot be with them at a moment's notice because of my service. They would text me to go visit them now and bring this item. Even go with them tomorrow. The difficult thing for me is that I do love them and Mama is just recovering from her surgery that a part of me really wishes to be there with them to help. But I also fully realize that the Lord has called me to the service that I'm doing. And in doing my service faithfully, He will bless my loved ones. Including, answering my prayer for Mama's healing.
Man, it's painful! If not for the fact that I love the Lord more than I love them, then I wouldn't know what to do. I am reminded of the little strip of paper I received last night. The Bible verse said, "If you suffer with Him, so you will reign with Him." Something like that. Don't ask me where it is in the Bible coz I returned the strip of paper. But that verse gave me consolation. Surely, the suffering that I endure is so little compared to the prize that awaits me: reign with Him, huh! Beat that, world!
So, even if I cried while talking to my facilitator this lunchtime, and my heart cries inside of me, I choose to smile a bit. I'm not really sure if I'm really succeeding but what the heck, I'm trying anyway :). As my dear favorite woman saint says: "Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest thing right and doing it all for love" (St Therese of Lisieux). Eeech, if not for love, what's all this for?
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Thanks Works
"Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Jesus."
My mother had just undergone cancer surgery. I really wanted to go but because of my other commitments, I couldn't. It was tearing my heart. I understood the situation but still, it was painful not to be there for the people I love especially since it was only Mama and Papa there. (I only have one brother and he lives outside the country). My spiritual adviser said I should rejoice in the Lord, as Scripture said. And so I said the thanksgiving litany. All the things that would not normally make one thankful, I recited them. "Thank You that I'm not able to see them. Thank You that my mother would probably think I don't care. Thank You that my brother would probably get so angry...."
I was finally able to see her two days later. She wasn't too happy about it either. "You don't seem to have a mother anymore. Other people care more than you." The day came out surprisingly well, inspite of that. In my ten years of fulltime ministry work, it hasn't been easy for my traditionally religious mother to accept that I'm a different religious dog. She couldn't seem to understand what kind of breed I am. (hehehe)
At the end of the day, my aunt comes to the hospital and tells mother what chemotheraphy implies. You lose your hair, you'll be very weak after. It's super painful. And then, my aunt says, "You can choose to have chemo, or just choose to have prayers." My mother says, "I don't want chemo." "Good thing you have a daughter like her!" all the guests in the room exclaims. She turns to me and says, "You pray so I don't need to have chemo, okay?" It wasn't too difficult to tell them I don't know when I'll see them again after.
Obedience and thanksgiving works. Makes me think, "Maybe I could pray something else too...'Thank You, Jesus, that I don't have a husband yet. Thank You, Jesus, that a lot of people are pushing me to get married already. Thank You Jesus...'" (hahaha)
My mother had just undergone cancer surgery. I really wanted to go but because of my other commitments, I couldn't. It was tearing my heart. I understood the situation but still, it was painful not to be there for the people I love especially since it was only Mama and Papa there. (I only have one brother and he lives outside the country). My spiritual adviser said I should rejoice in the Lord, as Scripture said. And so I said the thanksgiving litany. All the things that would not normally make one thankful, I recited them. "Thank You that I'm not able to see them. Thank You that my mother would probably think I don't care. Thank You that my brother would probably get so angry...."
I was finally able to see her two days later. She wasn't too happy about it either. "You don't seem to have a mother anymore. Other people care more than you." The day came out surprisingly well, inspite of that. In my ten years of fulltime ministry work, it hasn't been easy for my traditionally religious mother to accept that I'm a different religious dog. She couldn't seem to understand what kind of breed I am. (hehehe)
At the end of the day, my aunt comes to the hospital and tells mother what chemotheraphy implies. You lose your hair, you'll be very weak after. It's super painful. And then, my aunt says, "You can choose to have chemo, or just choose to have prayers." My mother says, "I don't want chemo." "Good thing you have a daughter like her!" all the guests in the room exclaims. She turns to me and says, "You pray so I don't need to have chemo, okay?" It wasn't too difficult to tell them I don't know when I'll see them again after.
Obedience and thanksgiving works. Makes me think, "Maybe I could pray something else too...'Thank You, Jesus, that I don't have a husband yet. Thank You, Jesus, that a lot of people are pushing me to get married already. Thank You Jesus...'" (hahaha)
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Meanderings
Meanderings...you know how the mind goes here and there like a man unsure where he wants to go? Or, a lady walking, quite happy with her world? She may pause for a moment to pick up a flower. Or look up at the blue sky and give a smile of contentment after...
According to Webster, "meander" is "1) to follow a winding course, flowing slowly and gently 2) to wander in a leisurely way."
These are my meanderings. I don't know if they will remain meanderings. or become more like rap-a-tat shot from some harried soldier. but hey, whatever, i'm happy to have this blog. :)
According to Webster, "meander" is "1) to follow a winding course, flowing slowly and gently 2) to wander in a leisurely way."
These are my meanderings. I don't know if they will remain meanderings. or become more like rap-a-tat shot from some harried soldier. but hey, whatever, i'm happy to have this blog. :)
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